Letting Go of the “Shoulds”: The Permission Moms Give Themselves to Say No
As moms, we carry the weight of an endless to-do list. From the laundry pile that never seems to shrink to the emails flagged for "later" that haunt us, there’s a nagging pressure to keep pushing through, to handle it all, and to do it perfectly. But what happens when our energy runs dry? When the mental and emotional load gets to be too much, yet our inner dialogue whispers, "You should just power through"?
Here's the truth: motherhood isn’t just about showing up for others—it’s about showing up for ourselves too. And sometimes, that means giving ourselves permission to say “no,” even to the things we think we’re supposed to do. Whether it’s skipping one more late-night school fundraiser email or saying no to hosting that playdate, stepping away from what drains us isn’t failure; it’s self-preservation.
This blog is about rewriting the script—learning to recognize when it’s okay to not do it all, and embracing the power of rest, boundaries, and self-kindness in our daily lives as moms.
The Power of “No”
Saying "no" often feels impossible as a mom. It’s not just the fear of letting others down—it’s the voice inside us that ties our worth to how much we can manage, how many roles we can juggle, and how often we can put others first. But here’s the thing: every “yes” to something you don’t have the bandwidth for is a “no” to something that truly matters—your energy, peace, or time with your family.
The truth is, not everything that demands your attention deserves it. Saying “no” doesn’t mean you’re selfish; it means you’re intentional. It’s okay to bow out of the PTA bake sale if you’re already stretched thin. It’s okay to tell your kids that pizza night is happening because cooking feels like too much. In fact, showing your kids how to set boundaries can be one of the greatest lessons you teach them.
Start small: practice saying “no” in low-stakes situations. Over time, it will feel less like a failure and more like a superpower—one that clears the way for what truly matters.
Redefining Success
For many of us, success is tangled up in the idea of productivity. A successful day might look like checking every box on our to-do list or feeling like we’ve accomplished enough to “earn” rest. But motherhood has a way of upending that definition. Some days, success might simply be surviving the chaos, getting through bedtime without tears (yours or theirs), or carving out five minutes to sip your coffee while it’s still hot (I hear that’s the preferred temp).
Instead, what if success wasn’t about doing it all but about doing what matters most? Instead of aiming for perfection, we can redefine success to include moments of connection, joy, or even quiet. It’s okay if the laundry waits another day or the house isn’t Instagram-worthy (those aren’t your people, anyway). Success isn’t a spotless home or an empty inbox—it’s a life where you feel grounded and present, even in the messiness of it all.
This shift requires letting go of the impossible standards we often place on ourselves. It’s about embracing the ebb and flow of motherhood, where some days we thrive, and others we just survive. And both are okay. By allowing ourselves to redefine what it means to succeed, we make space for the things that truly nourish us and our families.
Permission to Rest
Rest is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. Yet, as moms, it often feels like the first thing to go when life gets busy. We convince ourselves we’ll rest “later,” after the kids are asleep, after the work is done, or after we’ve reached some mythical point where we feel we’ve done enough to deserve it.
But here’s the truth: waiting for rest doesn’t serve anyone, least of all us. Exhaustion doesn’t make us better moms, partners, or people. Rest does. It replenishes our energy, renews our patience, and reminds us that we’re human beings, not machines. Granting yourself permission to rest means taking a nap when you’re tired, stepping away from a chore to read a book, or asking for help when you need it. It’s not selfish; it’s essential.
Remember, our kids are watching us. When we show them that it’s okay to pause, to prioritize our well-being, and to rest without guilt, we’re modeling self-care for them too. We’re teaching them that their worth isn’t tied to how much they do—and that’s a lesson they’ll carry for life.
Giving Yourself Grace
Motherhood is a beautiful, messy, and exhausting journey. We pour so much into our families, often at the expense of our own needs. But what if we chose grace instead of guilt? What if we let go of the pressure to do it all and gave ourselves the same compassion we so readily offer others?
The truth is, we’re already doing more than enough. We are enough. And granting ourselves permission—to say no, to redefine success, to rest—isn’t just an act of kindness; it’s a declaration of our worth.
So today, take a deep breath and release one of those “shoulds” weighing you down. The world won’t fall apart if you take a break. In fact, you might just find that by giving yourself a little more grace, you’re able to show up for the things and people that matter most. And that’s the kind of permission every mom deserves.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experience with offering yourself permission to say no, rest and being gracious with yourself. Please leave a comment or reach out privately.