Support For Moms: You Either Got, It Or You Don't

It's the middle of the night and your husband (or child) has to go to the emergency room. But you can't exactly leave the rest of your household home alone. What do you do?

This hit our family hard this weekend when my husband needed to go to the ER. The first trip he drove himself (insert LOADS of wife guilt. I mean, who does that? Let your spouse who is in crippling pain drive themselves to the ER! Um...someone has to stay with our kid.) The second trip there was no way. Sure, we have neighbors, but is that okay to call them in the middle of the night and interrupt their sleep and family routine? I didn't know the answer to that question. We could call my in-laws, but that's not as easy as it sounds either.

A sick or unreliable (and this may be due to illness of their own or they're just one of those grandparents who isn't involved like that) parent for any reason throws a wrench into emergencies. And adds additional stress to the already freaking out spouse. (Admittedly, I don't always do the best in stressful situations.)

As I'm scrambling trying to figure out whose night gets to be interrupted, this hit me like a ton of bricks. And it's been on my mind for several days.

What do people do? Who do they turn to in times of emergency and they need help immediately? What do they do if they don't have anyone? That realization saddens me so much. People shouldn't be alone in times of crisis. They need support, understanding, grace and compassion. A shoulder to cry on. A hand to hold. A responsible person to take care of logistics while they are tending to their loved one. But I realize not everyone has that.

Yup, I know this perspective sounds so privileged. I have a spouse. I have loving in-laws who are engaged with their granddaughter. I have a parent who could drop what she was doing and drive several hours to help us out for the next few days. I acknowledge how lucky I am 100%.

Next let's acknowledge the next complication: sleep deprivation that comes from sitting with your loved one in the ER. At some point one of you, hopefully both of you, is going home from this emergency visit and your child is going to be happy to see you and want to be entertained. But you're exhausted emotionally and physically. Not to mention your child might be having some feelings about what's happening as well and it's your job as a parent to support them through this no matter how you might be feeling. But as I tell my daughter and clients, we cannot fill from an empty bucket.

OMG. What a mess.

This type of situation can bring up so many feelings and questions. But it also give us reason to have some important conversations.

Support is one of those things that we all hopefully have some of. So let's assume we do. It's also one of those things we don't consider until we need it and by then it may be too late to talk about when that support will be given. What are the guidelines to that support? Is it only during waking hours? Is it only during the week? Summer? When the moon is in it's fourth phase and Venus and Mercury are aligned. (Nope, I surely didn't research to see if either of those things even happens.)

Support has become a conversation that I came to realize I needed to have. I encourage you to consider having it, too. We all could benefit from having this conversation with neighbors, close friends, anyone we feel comfortable having it with. Talk about middle of the night scenarios that come up. Or if you're too sick to pick the kiddos up from school. But also offer your own support to these people in return. This is how support systems are made. This is how we choose people to become part of our "family" even though they aren't blood related.

My conversations have been short, but met with resounding "yes, we're here for you as well!"

What a relief for this stressed out Mama.